I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
