so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
