Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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