I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
