is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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