I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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