is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His hands were made for my vagina.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize