You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
