no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
