We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
