Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize