There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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