Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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