i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize