You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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