ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
