Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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