Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
