There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
