loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize