I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
