Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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