is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
