the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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