i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
