im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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