We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So. Much. Porn.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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