And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
