he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
