Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize