haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
