I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need to sanitize my soul.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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