You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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