He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
