Im at strip club and am horny
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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