me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
