I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
