yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
