I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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