Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
