just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
