i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
