I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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