In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
