Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize