cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
