So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Boobs speak an international language.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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