My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
