No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
