FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
