Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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