Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
