I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
