If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
