I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
