that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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