i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
