She said her name was "party"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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