and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize