Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
