Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
