there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
