I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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