I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize