i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
