There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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