SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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