wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
