is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
