I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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