my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
