Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
