is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
