Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize