"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
