dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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