god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
