I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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