My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
