I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
