I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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