You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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