remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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