My cat gives me a boner
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
