What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
