She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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