He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
