Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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