meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
