Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize