Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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