She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
