So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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