Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
