My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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