you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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