There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
3pm strippers are depressing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
