EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
